Gotta Love the Grandparents: Part 1

Growing up, I was fairly well removed from most of my extended family. My mom’s family lived in Chattanooga and most of my dad’s was in Nashville.  We saw them at holiday gatherings, weddings, funerals, and the like.  I loved them and going to see them was special, but it wasn’t part of my daily existence.

At the funerals of both of my grandmothers, I remember feeling a twinge of jealousy toward the cousins who had grown up living close to them.  They knew them in ways I never did, and I remember feeling some regret at that.

Now that I am an adult, the family hierarchy has moved up a notch and my parents are now the grandparents.  I am pleased to say that my children see them on a very frequent basis, all three sets live within an hour of our home. This is a wonderful blessing and there are tons of perks associated with having grandparents just around the corner.  However, as happens in life, your own relationship with your parents (and in-laws) changes as you become the mom and dad and they become the grandma and grandpa.  Navigating this new relationship can be tricky, especially in close proximity.

I thought I’d share some of the things I have learned over the past 4+ years that have helped make our parent/grandparent relationships great ones.  For the sake of space, I’ll do this post in 2 parts: the philosophical mindset part and the practical advice part.  Here’s the thinking that I believe goes a long way in fostering this relationship:

First, remember that the 5^th Commandment is still in effect, so “Honor your father and mother”.  This doesn’t mean that you have to obey them or take every piece of advice, whether it be associated with child-rearing or home improvement, but it does mean that you continue to respect them.  This means that you respect that they have very personal convictions about children, years of experience and a deep love for their grandkids.   Being aware of this will help you speak and act with honor and respect toward them, even when you disagree.

Next, think back to that first exhilarating moment when you held your child.  Remember the overwhelming, indescribable love that welled up inside of you from a place you didn’t even know existed.  Remember that and then think, for a moment, about the fact that your parents and in-laws felt that same emotion the first time they held you or your spouse.  The choices they made from then on were very likely made out of a desire to do what they deemed was best for their child.  Their care and concern for you continues into adulthood, as I’m sure mine will for my own daughters.  So, I try to remember that their advice, comments, and even disagreements probably stem from a place of love and concern.

Last on the philosophical front, remind yourself that having folks around you who genuinely love your children is a good thing…always.  We are so blessed with grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, friends, and relatives who love our kids that it is overwhelming at times.  No, we will not be allowing any of these people to raise our children, but having them involved in their lives is a precious thing.  These relationships enrich our lives and the lives of our kids.  And we should thank God for them.

Part 2 on the practical to come soon…