Cold Lima Beans & Starving Children (or, A Strategy for Getting Kids to Eat)

I can still imagine clearly the taste of cold lima beans.  Not that my mother was in the habit of serving room temperature legumes to her family, but mine often sat on my plate (and thus I sat at the table) long after the rest of the family had finished their meals and gone about other business.  It was a battle of sorts.  I was testing to see if my parents would really be so cruel as to make me consume lima beans.  They were waiting to see how cold I’d let them get.  

My, how the tables have turned!  It is now I who clear the dishes while my 4 year old daughter sits and stares blankly at the item(s) that do not strike her fancy.  It is now my little girl who sometimes eats cold beans because she refuses to eat them when they are hot.  Most recently it was the Mexican Chicken Soup that elicited sighs and several trips to the bathroom (always a handy distraction). And yes, at times I have resorted to threats and bribery and the “starving children in Africa” speech.  But there is a better way.  And we use it…most of the time!

I know there are lots of strategies for getting children to eat what you prepare.  I remember when my oldest nephew went through a “I’m not going to eat that” phase.  He was old enough to learn how to make himself a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.  So my sister told him that whenever he deemed dinner was not to his liking, he could make his own.  I think he eventually got sick of PB&J.  I’m sure some of you have other excellent ideas, and if you do please feel free to share them! 

I can take no credit for the strategy that we use.  I first heard the idea from Ginger Plowman, who was speaking at a conference I attended. She shared with us how she dealt with the mealtime battle at her home.  (I think that this is included in her book Don’t Make Me Count to Three, and I know it’s a great resource for discipline across the board.)  Here is what we do:

First, I try to be very careful about the portions I give the girls.  That is, I try to only give them the minimum amount I want them to eat.  They are always welcome to ask for seconds, but what I put on their plate is what I expect them to eat.  They must try each item I prepare.  However, if it is something I know they aren’t crazy about (like black beans) then I put a very small amount (like maybe just 3 or 4 bites).  It has taken me a while to get the hang of portioning their meals right, but I pretty much know what they can/should eat now.

Once they have their plates, the rule is that they must eat what is one the plate OR they don’t get anything except water until the next meal.  That’s it.  If they eat everything I give them, they can have snack, a treat, juice, etc.  But if they don’t, water is it.  No arguing, no bargaining with bites, no power struggles.  Eat or don’t, it’s your choice. Sometimes it’s hard to stick to my guns, but when I do the results are good.  For instance, if Piper chooses not to eat breakfast (currently her least favorite meal) than she doesn’t get anything but water until lunch.  That means by lunch she has a pretty hearty appetite and getting her to eat is a cinch!  

This strategy definitely takes patience and sometimes mine wears thin.  I find myself wanting to say, “Fine!  Just eat one more bite and you can have dessert!”  But I resist and calmly explain the rule and usually, usually, the food is eaten.  And if it’s not, so be it.  I know that with time and consistency, we can eliminate {most of} the mealtime struggles and have a peaceful table…well, as peaceful as it can be with 2 giggly girls under 5 : )